Chapter 1.37: The Inevitable Talk
Juniper
I was a damned fool to think I could keep vampires a secret from my daughters, and even more of a damn fool to think Serene didn't hear what I yelled at Isobel the day I kicked her out. Serene was now nervous around me and acts like she doesn't trust me. I never wanted my children to learn about the horrible creatures, and I so desperately wanted to shield them from everything evil. I don't know what went wrong with Isobel, and why she had to get herself pregnant.
In some ways I get, I really do understand that condoms do break sometimes but my little girl is only sixteen now and about to go through what I consider to be the hardest thing in the world. People think it's so easy and fun to be a parent, but they have no idea how hard it is. I wish I could go back and redo the day I kicked her out. I'd sit her down and talk to her about why it made me so angry.
I was just so angry with her, because of all the things to do in the world she did the one thing I can't help her with. I can't make it go away and protect her; I was helpless. Completely helpless to help my little girl, and now because of that I am struggling with helping my other little girl. Isobel was lucky, she doesn't remember her father very much and that's a blessing. Serene on the other hand was old enough to remember Toby when I did away with him. I can see the memories of him in her eyes, and every day I see more of him in her than myself. It's hard to admit it, but I am so relieved that Serene is turning out to be more like him than me.
I now wonder if there is anything I can do to make it up to my children, the only people in this world that truly matter to me. My precious angels, and how my actions have hurt them. I know one thing to do is to tell them both the truth about vampires, about myself.
"Serene!" I called upstairs. Perhaps if I tell her everything I can protect her from Vlad and his actions against her group of friends. I just hope she believes me, and it makes her reconsider what she is doing.
"Mama?" Serene asked me as she sat down the sofa.
"We need to talk some things," I said, setting my coffee down. If only my coffee were vodka this would be so much easier but what kind of parent drinks hard liquor like that?
"You were a vampire," Serene stated bluntly. I didn't say anything, and picked up my coffee to down the rest of it. Yeah, so much easier if my coffee was vodka or even rum.
"I was," I replied back. I stood there watching my daughter take in my confirmation. I looked away as I saw anger flash in her eyes and prepared for her to yell at me. I deserved her anger, and I wasn't going to deny her that right.
"Why did you keep it from me? From Issy?" Serene demanded. My heart broke, no, my heart shattered as I watched as she started to cry and the pain in her eyes. I couldn't bear it as I fell to my knees and tried to comfort her but she didn't move towards me.
"I was scared, and stupid. I was afraid it would end up hurting you both, and it did. I should have never kept it from you two. I didn't want you to hate me for it," I told her quietly. I looked away as tears streamed down my face at hurt she was. I should have known it would have hurt them more to keep it from them than to tell the truth. "Sweet girl, I am so sorry," I said, wiping the tears from my eyes.
"Mama..... I know about vampires," Serene said. "I'm going to protect people from vampires," she told me.
"Honey, that's so dangerous. You could get hurt," I told her.
"I have to protect people from monsters," Serene said. I listened as she explained why but the only thing I could hear was Vlad's threat. I shook my head, and tried again to dissuade her from what she wanted. "I can protect you too, but Issy needs to know. Okay mama?" she asked.
"You don't hate me for lying to you?" I asked.
"I love you, you're my mama," Serene said. "I just can't forgive you for keeping this from us....." she said quietly.
It was better than I had hoped, and I smiled until she told me she wanted to meet an actual vampire. "No," I said. There was no way in hell my little girl was getting anywhere near a vampire after what Vlad threatened. "No," I repeated more firmly.
"What if not all vampires were evil though?" Serene asked. I looked at her, and for a moment I didn't feel angry. Here she was doing the one thing I could never do, I could never see vampire as good and yet my ten year old daughter was already becoming better than me.
"Do you really want to meet one?" I asked her. Serene nodded, and looked at me expectantly. "I will see if an old friend wants to come over for dinner in a couple nights, but promise me that you will not do anything to provoke her," I said.
"Deal," Serene said.
I was a damned fool to think I could keep vampires a secret from my daughters, and even more of a damn fool to think Serene didn't hear what I yelled at Isobel the day I kicked her out. Serene was now nervous around me and acts like she doesn't trust me. I never wanted my children to learn about the horrible creatures, and I so desperately wanted to shield them from everything evil. I don't know what went wrong with Isobel, and why she had to get herself pregnant.
In some ways I get, I really do understand that condoms do break sometimes but my little girl is only sixteen now and about to go through what I consider to be the hardest thing in the world. People think it's so easy and fun to be a parent, but they have no idea how hard it is. I wish I could go back and redo the day I kicked her out. I'd sit her down and talk to her about why it made me so angry.
I was just so angry with her, because of all the things to do in the world she did the one thing I can't help her with. I can't make it go away and protect her; I was helpless. Completely helpless to help my little girl, and now because of that I am struggling with helping my other little girl. Isobel was lucky, she doesn't remember her father very much and that's a blessing. Serene on the other hand was old enough to remember Toby when I did away with him. I can see the memories of him in her eyes, and every day I see more of him in her than myself. It's hard to admit it, but I am so relieved that Serene is turning out to be more like him than me.
I now wonder if there is anything I can do to make it up to my children, the only people in this world that truly matter to me. My precious angels, and how my actions have hurt them. I know one thing to do is to tell them both the truth about vampires, about myself.
"Serene!" I called upstairs. Perhaps if I tell her everything I can protect her from Vlad and his actions against her group of friends. I just hope she believes me, and it makes her reconsider what she is doing.
"Mama?" Serene asked me as she sat down the sofa.
"We need to talk some things," I said, setting my coffee down. If only my coffee were vodka this would be so much easier but what kind of parent drinks hard liquor like that?
"You were a vampire," Serene stated bluntly. I didn't say anything, and picked up my coffee to down the rest of it. Yeah, so much easier if my coffee was vodka or even rum.
"I was," I replied back. I stood there watching my daughter take in my confirmation. I looked away as I saw anger flash in her eyes and prepared for her to yell at me. I deserved her anger, and I wasn't going to deny her that right.
"Why did you keep it from me? From Issy?" Serene demanded. My heart broke, no, my heart shattered as I watched as she started to cry and the pain in her eyes. I couldn't bear it as I fell to my knees and tried to comfort her but she didn't move towards me.
"I was scared, and stupid. I was afraid it would end up hurting you both, and it did. I should have never kept it from you two. I didn't want you to hate me for it," I told her quietly. I looked away as tears streamed down my face at hurt she was. I should have known it would have hurt them more to keep it from them than to tell the truth. "Sweet girl, I am so sorry," I said, wiping the tears from my eyes.
"Mama..... I know about vampires," Serene said. "I'm going to protect people from vampires," she told me.
"Honey, that's so dangerous. You could get hurt," I told her.
"I have to protect people from monsters," Serene said. I listened as she explained why but the only thing I could hear was Vlad's threat. I shook my head, and tried again to dissuade her from what she wanted. "I can protect you too, but Issy needs to know. Okay mama?" she asked.
"You don't hate me for lying to you?" I asked.
"I love you, you're my mama," Serene said. "I just can't forgive you for keeping this from us....." she said quietly.
It was better than I had hoped, and I smiled until she told me she wanted to meet an actual vampire. "No," I said. There was no way in hell my little girl was getting anywhere near a vampire after what Vlad threatened. "No," I repeated more firmly.
"What if not all vampires were evil though?" Serene asked. I looked at her, and for a moment I didn't feel angry. Here she was doing the one thing I could never do, I could never see vampire as good and yet my ten year old daughter was already becoming better than me.
"Do you really want to meet one?" I asked her. Serene nodded, and looked at me expectantly. "I will see if an old friend wants to come over for dinner in a couple nights, but promise me that you will not do anything to provoke her," I said.
"Deal," Serene said.
The same friend Lillith who was already at early birthday parties, avoiding the pie? interesting...
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